a little piece of me 040612

A little piece of me…….  040612

I’ve shared this with a lot of folks but I want to get it “out there,” in the hope that the Lord will use it to strengthen you and close your ears to the lies Satan – and folks – have driven into your ears and hence into your heart.

In graduate school my first semester ended and the grades and class standing were listed.  I fought the desire to look for I knew it would be a disappointment.  Finally I had to look.

I was in shock.  There I was on the Dean’s List. – the good Dean’s List ;-}

I just knew this had to be a mistake.

I took the list off the board and went to the Dean’s office to show him the mistake.

He checked the records and told me there was no mistake; my GPA put me on the Dean’s List.

I didn’t believe him.

I put the list back on the board and walked away thinking that my professors had felt sorry for me and had given me grades I had not earned because they felt sorry for me.

Huh?

Yep – you see I grew up being told loudly and clearly that I was stupid, clumsy and a sissy.  My father worked very hard to convince me of that and he was good at it.  By the time I got to graduate school I had proven (to my satisfaction) that I was neither a clutz nor a sissy.  But stupid was hanging’ in.

I was a slave to my father’s demands, judgments and condemnations.  I still saw me as he taught me to see me.

So what’s the point?

Well, before Christ let me know I was His I was a slave to the demands, judgments and condemnation of Satan – sin and my flesh.  They defined me – utterly.  One common theme in this is, “Not good enough!”  I wasn’t good enough if I didn’t go out drinking.  I wasn’t good enough if I didn’t do the macho-tough guy thing.  I wasn’t good enough if I wasn’t sexually promiscuous.  I wasn’t good enough if I didn’t keep up with my sinful companions in most if not all of their sinful activities.

This was a sinful, warped and twisted legalism I was caught up in and I don’t think it was unusual.  I HAD to be as good as if not better than any other sinner in my sinning.

So, in come Jesus and the Spirit.  I am convicted of my sin, convinced of my need for redemption and begin to seek to live a righteous life.

BOOM ---- “Not good enough!!!!!!”

Everywhere I looked I saw my sin – still!  In the word, in the fellowship, in the “you have to’s” of older believers – I was not good enough.

What pray tell was the problem?

Simple – I walked into the Kingdom of God laying aside sins but still carrying the legalism I had been taught while I was in darkness.  Then I had not been good enough for the world the flesh or the devil – now I wasn’t good enough for God.

Don’t thin for a moment that unbelievers are free.  They are not only under the judgment of the laws of God BUT the world-flesh-and devil have their own laws they expect their servants to obey.

Izod golf shirts, alligator belts with silver monogramed buckles, green Army fatigues and white Adidas tennis shoes.  If you didn’t have ‘em you weren’t good enough.  If you wore only one or two of these items you were a poser.

Alcohol, drugs, sex are all criteria by which the world-flesh and devil measure us while we are in the darkness.  Sitting here writing there are three females who must be convinced that to expose as much of their bodies as possible in public is a good thing.  (Yeah- I’m keeping my eyes on the keyboard!!!!!

See, Satan is the greatest legalist there is.  With him, in his kingdom (?) there is no mercy, no grace – just judgment and condemnation for not being as obedient to him-the flesh and the world as you can be.

And this legalistic thinking walks right into the Kingdom of God – the Kingdom of grace - with us.

After the first liberating joy of finding we are His we soon fall victim to this legalistic poison.  We realize that we are not in ourselves worthy.  We are not good enough.  Oh, we knew that at the moment we realized our redemption but the poison is still flows.

Somehow we’ve come to believe that doing battle with the flesh and the sin that remains is a bad thing and calls into question our salvation.  But it is this very battle that confirms our redemption and affirms our faith.  Why else would we notice much less fight unrighteousness?

Grace is an alien concept to us and regardless of our maturation in the faith it will probably always be alien.  We have NO well of knowledge from which to draw that enables us to be completely comfortable with grace.  Maybe this is how it is supposed to be.

But we do have a lifetime of experience with legalism and condemnation.  We well know the devastating effects, the insidious schemes, and the toxicity of legalism.  We must battle its influence constantly both in regards to our walk with Him and our lives in general.

I still battle thoughts of being stupid – not good enough – socially, financially, professionally and spiritually.  But I always – all ways – remind myself who it is that’s doing the measuring.  Socially, financially professionally it is the world, the flesh and the devil.  Spiritually it is my Redeemer the One who knew my need and met that need completely.  I am not nor will I ever be good enough to be Him.  But by His grace and because of His work he has made me good enough to be His and He keeps me there regardless.

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