Walk with P & Me 082612

Today is the lord’s Day and it appears He was working in hyper-drive.  Patti and I woke up kind of numb and sluggish and our concerns seemed so very distracting.

But, knowing there was no better place to be we got it together and went to join our brothers and sisters for worship.  Things got funky from there on.

A dear brother stopped by us and asked how we were bearing up.  I responded with my typical, “We’re hanging in there.”  For some reason he persisted in patting us and asking about us and to tell the truth, for a moment, I was a little irritated. 

But, I realized that while I was trying real hard to distract myself from our needs and worries, God was trying to comfort and encourage us through this brother.  That was a smack in the back of the head!  Here I am feeling sorry for myself and here’s God providing comfort and care through another and I’m being a fussy camper.

Thankfully I wasn’t so full of me that God couldn’t get through.  Or rather God was a lot bigger than the “me” I was full of and there was no way I was gonna get away with my little “pity party.”  Whichever it was He lifted my heart and my spirit all the while convicting me of my whining (and Oh was I whining).

Then a brother I really love came by and showed me his new I-pod.  He was so excited as it is a great tool for him in his work and ministry.  He was absolutely joyous.  Well, my first thought was about Patti’s computer which is ancient and holds a charge for about an hour and is still XP.  Then  I thought about how ai had planned to get her a new one and to look into a new tablet for me.  Needless to say my “joy” in my brother’s I-pod was at least a little less that sincere.

Bam – again I found my heart all stuck with “me.”  Conviction?  Oh yeah! 

Then we gather around the Lord’s Table – ouch – just what I needed, a reminder of my unworthiness.  But as we took the elements my mind and heart were turned to Him and His worthiness and my being His and what it cost Him.  I’m not saying that I experienced what we think of as a miracle but I did experience something comforting and correcting.

OK, then comes the message.  Let me give you a little background. 

The other day I was listening to Alistair Begg and happened to click on a message concerning evangelism.  Now I’ve never thought of myself as being an “evangelist.”  My gift is teaching so I left evangelism to the evangelist.  But this program – an evangelistic study of the Gospel of Mark caught my interest.  I began to form my prayers around its potential in Us In Him.

The message today – basically evangelism – the Gospel.  Ouch!!!  Not wholly convicted but close.  Now I’m (actually we are) praying about  this course as part of Us In Him.  We don’t know – we kind of think maybe – but we are being taught to wait upon Him.  And since He’ll have to provide the means for us to use the courses – we have some idea what we’re waiting for.

I write this because we rarely share this kind of experiences with one another.  Is it a big deal?  Well, it was for me. 

In one morning I went from numb and nasty to grateful and hopeful and He used both my sinfulness and His grace in others to change my mind and heart. 

I had this thought about the Marianas Trench out in the Pacific Ocean.  It is so deep that light never penetrates.  I am considering its relation to my heart.  I am discovering that there are depths to my heart I have never plumbed.  Nor have I asked God to do so – not really.  Oh, I’ve asked Him to heal my booboos and remove the most obvious and common corruptions but I’ve asked for what I find comfortable and not what needs to be done.

I found this and am thankfully hopeful:

Psa 36:1  Transgression speaks to the wicked deep in his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes. ff

Why?  As a former unredeemed “wicked,” person this was me.  I have been content to let God do a “detail” job on me (like you do a car) but I can’t remember asking Him to plumb those depths of my heart that rival the Marianas Trench.  It’s an awesome thing when you find those deep dark places.  You find them by what comes to your mind or jumps out of your mouth.

Today a couple of those weird darkness/bottom feeders rose close enough to the surface to be seen, recognized and taken to the only one who can deal with it.  I’m thankful for that and am looking to build a rememberance of it – maybe a pile of mental stones.  God has done good work for me,  but today I learned He has just begun.

Walk w/ P & me 04

Walk with P & me 04

Richard Sibbes in his work, The Soul’s Conflict With Itself, does a wonderful job of not only pointing out the need for real and true conviction but he powerfully addresses the issue of false or overdone conviction.

For us (especially me) it’s a matter of fighting the “would have, could have, should have,” attackes.  Hindsight may be 20/20 but it can also be overwhelmingly toxic.  The flesh, the world and the devil can wreak havoc with our minds and hearts using these as its entree.

“Had I,” and “Had we just . . . .” are brutal and cruel messages that have just enough truth in them to lay a heavy and blinding burden on our hearts.  Whether sinful, silly or just stupid, all the things we might have done differently rise up and accuse – legitimately or not and they gain power from the uncertain parts of the future.

Imagined destitution, desolation and desertion loom large and all the shame and humiliation that come with them press down.

Sibbes also does a good job of helping us understand that our imaginations, which, when not operating within the truth and trust of God, are cruel companions.  When the time is right the imagination (through the flesh with help from the world and the devil) create “potential realities” that ,apart from his faithfulness ,seem certain. 

Even when we consider that the “worst” that could happen might well be with in His will for us, the flesh (w/ help) makes it seem punitive instead of providential.  Bad not good. 

We know He works all things together for the good of His own.  But the flesh (w/help) paints pictures of Job early on, David in the flight, Israel oppressed.

We look to Him for help.  From Him we desire relief.  But what if the hardship is the help we need?  What if He needs a new Job (kind of)?  What if the worst that could happen is in His will for us? 

We are confident in His grace and we are grateful for His providence.  We know we are His but (and it’s an evil but) the flesh (w/ help) clings to, “I love reading about Job but I don’t want to be one!!!”

However, and please don’t think we’re being snooty or presumptuous, Paul was willing to suffer the loss of all things for the sake of the gospel and he enjoins us to follow his example.  We want to – but if feels a lot like falling.  Add to that the fact that the flesh, the world and the devil make it look a lot like failing and it’s a double whammy.

But feelings aren’t facts and faith isn’t a feeling.

We had a good night together last night and we are doing, at least for right now, what we can do.  We are resisting where needed and drawing near as often as possible.  I still want to pack the car and run away.  Patti still wants me to quit wanting that ;-}. One cool personal thing.  I've never been one who liked to snuggle - however I've come to discover its therapeutic benefits ;-}  and Oh boy-is Patti happy!  ;-}}}}}}}  That's one blessing that's has come in the midst of all this!

Our prayer needs are simple:  A new job for Patti, more work for me, support for the ministry Us in Him and last but most important the grace to trust Him however His plans are laid.

Thank you !

Patti and Michael Sanders

2205 New Garden Rd.

# 2807

Greensboro, NC 27410

ms@tc2v1.com

Walk with Patti and me 02

Walk with Patti and me….02

This weekend was a real learning experience.  For several hours all our worry and concern just faded away.  It was as though everything was AOK.

How did this happen?  Well, Saturday we spent several hours collaborating on some of the blogs.  It was a wonderful time of questions and challenges and laughter (ok if you’ve read any of the pieces Patti didn’t get to edit you understand the laughter).

The thing is that we were so focused on the work of improving the blogs that we were absorbed by it.  This wasn’t busy work; it was a mutual concentrated focus on serving Him through the blogs.  What was so wonderful was that we both had such openness and freedom in the exchange.  It wasn’t about us and our circumstances it was about Him and you.

The second experience of relief was, as you might suspect, at worship.  Again, our problems were kept from imposing themselves on us.  We were not giddy but at peace and a little joyous.  Again, for that period of time it wasn’t about us and we were safe from the distraction.

What’s the point?  I think it was the experience of fellowship – real fellowship with each other and the body of Christ.  We weren’t “distracted” (that’s what TV is for ;-}).  We were focused off ourselves and on a greater priority.

In the lesson at church Pastor David mentioned perspective.  Well maybe it was being engaged with Him that altered our perspective.  Even when I shared our circumstances with the fellowship the impact seemed smaller.  Maybe we were repairing our nets but it was a wonderful gift from Him to be working and worshipping together.

A thought -

In Sibbes’ book, The Souls Conflict With Itself, he devotes an entire section to the imagination.  It is tied, of course, to our vanity and our difficulty in being un-autonomous. 

I was especially convicted when he wrote about how we imagine things to be worse or potentially worse than the reality. 

It’s real easy for Patti and I to “imagine,” how things will go and it is typically a terrible imagining.  What Sibbes helped me see is that there is very little of the rational in our common imaginings.

Just yesterday my Pastor taught about the need to know and the need to be biblically rational.  As the Puritans would say, the mind needs to direct the affections (feelings) and no doubt that needs to be true of our imaginings as well. 

Here’s the great thing (thank you David) about starting with what we know.  Of course I use know in the “know God” (John 17:3).

When we begin with what we know (and it must be biblically sound) our imaginings start with the final truth and its assurance.  So we know, regardless of our imaginings, that it all ends well – in Him.  Now it’s the time between this moment and that one that we have to deal with.

But the lovely truth is that God has provided us with examples of a lot of in between stuff.  Some of it is tough to accept, some of it we hope for – but all of it has happy endings for those who are His.

Now, imagining can be a useful powerful tool when done in submission to and dependence upon the Holy Spirit and the Word.  The Word gives us boundaries, the Holy Spirit works with our consciences to warn or encourage us. 

What we’re working on:

There ought to be in man a conformity to the truth and goodness of things, or else, 1, we shall wrong our own souls with false apprehensions; and 2, the creature, by putting a fashion upon it otherwise than God hath made; and 3, we shall wrong God himself, the author of good-ness, who cannot have his true glory but from a right apprehension of things as they are.

Sibbes, Richard (2012-04-24). The Soul's Conflict With Itself: And Victory Over Itself By Faith. (p. 153). A Puritan At Heart Press. Kindle Edition.

Keep praying with and for us!!

THANK YOU!

Michael & Patti Sanders

2205 New Garden Rd # 2807

Greensboro, NC 27410