Reading / Reflctions A Convert From the Storm

Reading / Reflections 

Nathaniel Vincent
A Covert From the Storm, or The Fearful Encourged In Times of Suffering

In 1670, just three months after he was married Vincent was arrested for preaching without license and imprisoned.  He was released but he was again imprisoned for preaching and on false charges of sedition.  After His last imprisonment he was so weakened he was not able to preach.  In 1671, he writes from that prison cell to inform, encourage and comfort those whom he has pastored.  His words are worth our attending.

Of his own desire:
He (Vincent) longs to be warning the secure, whodo not see the sword drawn out against them; to be stopping the mad men who are making such haste to eternal destruction; to be inviting the miserable to mercy, and the lost to a Savior."

Of Satan:
"He commands the generality of the world, who are at his service, and are led by him at his peasure, and those whom he cannot rule, he is resilvoed, when he can, to mest and disquiet."

Of Satan's schemes:
"You had better, says Satan, understand when you are well and keep yourselves so; you had better live inoeace and plenty, as do the most of those about you do, than be singular in your way, and by that singularity make so many enemies, and pull down so  many troubles on your heads."

Of Satan's servants' schemes:
"They first raise lies of believers, confidently affirming them to be rebelious.  Seditious enemies to the kingdoms (thought indeed the pillars of the nations where they live) having lied against them, they endeavor their ruin; having misrepresented them, they fall on them.  They lie in saying, the saints are not fit to live, and then they strike to root them out of the land of the living.  Thus they make nothing of transgressing at once oth the sixth and ninth commandment."

A "Plug" for reading the Puritans
This was life in England.  Life for the Puritans.  Life for those who would be called Pilgrims and would journey to the shores of this continant and plant the seeds for what would be come our country.  

These are our true fore-fathers. Men and women loving God and hating sin.  men and women who would not be conformed to man's dictates concerning the worship and service of God.  They did not come seeking "liberty" for they knew the world, the flesh and the devil would always seek to hinder their walk with the Master.  For them, "liberty" was somethng only found in Christ and with that liberty they were satisfied.

They sought the honor and glory of God and left life, liberty and the pursuit of anything else to the providential will of God.  Let whe world, the flesh and the devil do what they would, these few, these non-comformists sought first to live in obedience and worship of God.

Worship for them was inclusive of all of life.  Sundays, or the Sabbath, was "the" one day they set aside for rest and, setting aside all diversions and distractions, they focused on those thing of "spiritual" value.  The other six days they were judicious in their avoidance of anything they saw as detrimental to the saints growth and stability.  If it had the potential for distracting them from Him, they avoided it not so much as wrong but as dangerous to the health of the believer.

These were not perfect people.  They could be just as stumbling as any other believer.  But perhaps the difference is that they knew that, accepted that and so structured their lives and habits so that they contributed their weak and faulty efforts to their sanctification and the strength of the whole.  Few other identifiable groups of believers can claim such a commitment to be in but not of the world as these.

Refusing to retire from the world to live in isolation as well as refusing to attack the world and conquer it by force, these men and women shouldered the yoke of living among the unredeemed and suffering the vicissitudes attending that commitment.  They indeed understood well the obligation and cost of taking up the cross and following Him.

They said, "No," to the state as well as to the state church and with very very few exceptions they suffered willingly and greatly for the sake of Christ and conscience.  Though reading their works can be work for their language and grammar are alien to us and they can go on and on, it would behove us all to carry both the Word and one of their works where-ever we go and to attend to them both when-ever we can.

I do recommend the following and, no, I have no "connection" with them.  However these folks have done some magnificent work in putting these Puritan classics into a more modern English and are very reasonably priced:

http://www.apuritansmind.com

It's just scary down here ---

I was praying this morning and as I prayed (I tend to do it as a journal) I found myself writing that, "its just scary down here."  And you know, it is.

Now  perfect love casts out fear - we don't have the spirit of fear - yes, I know all that - but it's still scary down here.

Fear is natural or sinful.  To not fear is to give up some part of being human.  to allow fear to keep us from serving Him is to give up some part of being His - that's sinful fear.

But fear is an emotion (?) - a judgement we make about conditions and circumstances that are very real.  Fear tells us something is dangerous - potentially harmful - probably damaging - etc.  So this natural fear can't be a no-no but it can not be the boss either.

Having said that - it is scary down here.  Politics is always scary - the power of government is always liable to abuse.  I worry about that.  I worry about my brothers and sisters who own businesses or have ministries and the possiblility that they may have to close, capitulate their consciences to the law or take a stand against the law and suffer the conseqences.  I fear for our religious freedom - especially the religious freedom of Christians.

See, it's coming to a point where we are being put in a position where we are required to do things that violate our consciences.  We are being required to do (or not do) things that pertain directly to our faith (beliefs) and though in most cases it's subtle - it's here.

At some point - and I worry that the time is closer that we think - we will have to start saying "No."  We've tried to say no in the political arena but that's "their" home field - so we've said "Ok" to the point that we will soon have to say "No!" and when we do we will suffer for it.

Where we have enjoyed the freedom to express our religious beliefs we are no longer as "free" as we were.  When folks are getting cited and sued for having home Bible studies - we are in trouble.  When the government can force us to pay for things that violate our faith - we are in trouble.

Well - it's scary down here.  But that's OK - it can't help but be.  However - we need to begin NOW to pray for a holy boldness to stand upon our faith and refuse to give way.  That will look different for different people - and that's sad -!  It shows that we have indeed not grown as He desired and we have especially not grown to be one.

So many of us will find ourselves standing alone.  Criticized and even vilified by those who claim our faith but don't know Him.  The tares and the goats and the wolves will have a very good time.  Our stubbornness in our faith will cost us much - for some of us it will cost everything but what he guards for us.

I am not a pessimist - I am a believer - and the One I believe makes it very clear that we will suffer for Him - for being His.  I wonder if I'm ready?  I don;t feel ready - but then, that's what the Holy Spirit is for - right?

Pray for yourselves and your brothers and sisters that they might see and understand the depth of hate the world and the devil has for us.  Pray that they may grow ever more sensitive in their consciences so that they do not suddenly realize they have "allowed: and "tolerated" and "compromised" to the point of a near surrender.

We must remember - "to live is Christ, to die is gain."  Paul "got it," when did we let it go?

There was only ever one hope!

Dear brothers and sisters,

I want to wear a button that says, "Repent, the end is here!!!!"

I am hardly fit company today after the results of the election.  That my "soul is cast down within me," is an understatement.

Of this, I am forced to repent and seek forgiveness.

I never realized how much hope I had placed in this election.  I am ashamed of how much I had looked to man and away from God.

I do know and I hope you do - that God is still sovereign - He still rules His creation, nothing is out of His control.

I am ashamed of the fear I have (surprise?) of the inevitable loss we will now suffer in terms of our material security.  I am ashamed of the thoughts that run through my mind.  I am ashamed at my lack of faith at God's answer to my payers.

I am ashamed at the thoughts that America, as we know it and love it is done.  I am ashamed of a desire to leave - either the country or civilization.  I am ashamed of my strong desire to drop off the grid and become one of the "invisibles."

I am ashamed of my lack of faith directed at the whole purpose of faith - His glory and honor.

I am haunted by one and only one statement made by Mr. Obama.  "Vote, it's the best revenge."  Though perhaps a slip of the tongue, for me it reveals the very heart of what we will now have to trust God in.   Revenge - the fundamental purpose behind what will not come to pass.

I don't know of anywhere else to go to live.  I don't know how to "get off the grid."  I do not know how to disappear.  Perhaps that's a good thing for I fear it would be an act of faithlessness.

Like many of you, I have been sorely distracted by all the political tension and hope.  My mind has been distracted and my heart wounded by taking my eye and mind off the call of God.

Gun sales and ammunition sales are sky-rocketing.  Self-protection?  From who?  I sense it is not from the "bad-guys" but from the guys who now have the bigger guns.

I have only two consolations.  the first is that my God is sovereign and His will is good.  The second is - well - the prophets, John the Baptist, the Apostles all lived under the cruelest of political powers and yet remained faithful and fruitful.  They stood for God against warped and insidious powers of their day - yet without sin.

We too must stand.  Not primarily for our "liberties," nor our "rights," for, as a nation of laws we are subject to the changing of the laws.

We must stand for Him.  perhaps this is why we find ourselves where we are.  For generations we have have stood for all sorts of social and cultural - even moral "issues," but we have not stood for Him.  I believe that He has been and is disciplining us and calling us back to His purpose for us.

Our fight is against the flesh.  Yes, the world and the devil are involved BUT at the very core of it all is - well - us, our flesh.  It is the flesh that battles against the spirit.  It is the flesh - this body of death - that is our primary enemy.  We must repent - in weeping and even gnashing of teeth at the faithlessness we have shown.

I am "in" the world by His will - certainly not my choice.  We are not to be "of" the world - we are not to fight as it fights - but we have and we must repent.

I am encouraging all of you to examine your hearts.  Look to see what matter most in your life and living.  If God, His glory and His will - your being conformed to the likeness of His Son, is not at the center, repent - please, repent.

I am praying to find brothers and sisters who will join with me in a commitment - a singular commitment -to turn back to the call of God to His prime directive -.

Jesus came to redeem - that is not our job.  Our calling is to call men and women to repentance through the preaching of the Gospel.  We are NOT called to change the world - we never could - we never can.

A subtle persecution has long existed - there is no need for subtlety any more.  There is also no excuse for "stealth" or "compromised" Christianity.  It is time to rebuild the wall between the Body of Christ and the world.  For too long we have allowed them to be dismantled for the sake of acceptance and congeniality.  The wall must rise again.  The distinction between believers, imposters, posers and unbelievers must be made clear.

I am ashamed of my lack of faith and faithfulness.  I never knew its depth until today and now I feel it deeply and painfully.

We must rebuild the wall around God's gate, God's door.  This must begin with each of us.  We must repent of claiming to not be "of" the world and yet craving all it's goodies and making use of all its ways.

The Puritans are our best examples of men and women who forsook the world - perhaps we would do well to follow their lead.

It is now - to what ever responsible degree we can and in God's truth and wisdom - that we must, "Come out from among them,"  Do we have the faith to do that?  Do we trust God enough to seek and follow His path in this?

The world hates Him - the world hates us - what part of that do we not want to understand?

Michael "sheepdog" Sanders
ms@tc2v1.com
336-549-2081

Peace - Be still.

My heart looks back to the time when I was under a sense of sin, and sought with all my soul to find peace, but could not discover it, high or low, in any place beneath the sky; yet when "I saw one hanging on a tree," as the Substitute for sin, then my heart sat down under His shadow with great delight.  My heart reasoned thus with herself,--Did Jesus suffer in my stead? Then I shall not suffer. Did He bear my sin? Then I do not bear it. Did God accept His Son as my Substitute? Then He will never smite me. Was Jesus acceptable with God as my Sacrifice? Then what contents the Lord may well enough content me, and so I will go no farther, but: "sit down under His shadow," and enjoy a delightful rest.”  Till He Come, C.H. Spurgeon

As I read that I wanted to curl up in a ball and get as small as I could.  Oh to grow into such a state!  Oh to have my affections so informed by His love and sacrifice.  But self- pity is such a low thing – such a toxic thing. It will only consume – it will never heal or help.

Oh how I long to love Him as I see here – to know Him and have that strength in Him.  My first impulse is to run about “doing” for Him as though (1) He needed my help and (2) my works to win Him would ever work.  Such is the battle with what the Word tells us is the “flesh.”  It seeks desperately to solve the problem to fix whatever seems to need fixing. 

It also refuses to sit down and shut up.  I balk at the very idea of “not doing.”  I want the plan, laid out plain and clear so we might know and not need to trust.  And yet – trust is exactly what we need.  The flesh stacks up our smallness and weakness and unworthiness and then pushes it over crushing us – or at least seeming to.

Do you, with me, long to rest in Him?  To release your hold on it all – and to trust His grace?  Does His grace seem distant and dark?  Do you have the sense that you are being punished, that there is no place for you at the table?  Or perhaps you sit on the floor at the far end of the table thinking, “If He sees me, He will throw me out”? 

That is the flesh – my flesh, your flesh – the flesh.  Satan, when he can do nothing else, uses the providences of God to stimulate our flesh and bring us to be afraid of our Lord and friend, Jesus.  Oh, that like a tumor God would excise it from me and you.  Oh, that we would not flinch at the sight of the savior surgeon’s knife.

I have learned, from Him, that when one stays in a dark and dismal place and thinks they can survive there, one is resistant to all attempts at rescue.  Oh, how painful and joyful it is to even begin to sit still for our Savior’s attentions. 

I have learned that my doubt is truly idolatry for I look to my doubt and not that little grain of faith He has planted in me.  I know the darkness, I know the rejection and though it presses cruelly, I find I fight to let it go. 

Having put (and fighting doing it more) my faith in me and others and my ideas and schemes, I am cast down – but the voice of the flesh still bellows.  Oh, for the blessed silence of being in His arms, hearing the beat of His resurrected heart.  Oh, to feel the warmth of His embrace, to see the light of His radiance and be at rest under His hand.

I pray that He will overwhelm my resistance, my self - my flesh that fights His love and care -  that seeks to “show Him I am worthy,” of his blessing.   Oh, that He would quiet - silence that voice that so deceives enticingly.   Oh, that I could hear none but Him – that I would be silent and the world inaudible.

Peter's Pen 1st Peter 1:1 (b)

Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who are elect exiles of the dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia,   (1Pe 1:1)

“Exiles”

Παρεπίδημος;  parepidēmos

Thayer Definition:

1) one who comes from a foreign country into a city or land to reside there by the side of the natives

2) a stranger

3) sojourning in a strange place, a foreigner

4) in the NT metaphorically in reference to heaven as the native country, one who sojourns on earth

Now this is interesting.  The word “exiles” usually makes us think of a people who have been forced out of their home country into another.  I prefer the words stranger or sojourner.  It is absolutely possible that some of the folks to whom the letter was written were forced out of their home countries or provinces.  But Peter is telling us something very important here.

Let me start in a strange place.

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.   (Heb 11:13-16)

The writer here is telling us that even those who had faith in Christ (the Messiah) before He came considered themselves “strangers and exiles” on the earth.  For them, home wasn’t here.

Now before we get too weird let’s get a perspective.  There are two “kingdoms.”  There is the Kingdom of God and the Not Kingdom of God (some call it the Kingdom of Man).  By God’s grace we are:

fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,   (Eph 2:19)

--------------

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness

and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son,

in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  (Col 1:13-14)

Citizenship always has its opportunities and obligations.  As citizens of the Kingdom of God our opportunities can be summed up in our being God’s workers, His lights, His representatives here and now.  Our obligations are summed up in our submission to God as our Sovereign.

For many of us, the idea of having a Sovereign or King is unusual and maybe uncomfortable.  We are used to participating in our governance, having a “say.”  So coming to grips with serving an absolute Monarch is outside our experience.  It’s a new thing and one in which we are going to struggle – but He knows that.

One of the verses that I use to help me keep my submission to Him in focus is the following:

Do not love the world

or the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world,

the love of the Father is not in him.   (1Jn 2:15)

This verse helps me remember that my affections, my commitment is not “to” this world but “to” Him.  Though I live here, my affections and my loyalty are first and foremost with Him.  This is not an easy thing and it is normal for us to have to work on it.  I use the following verses to help me in keeping my loyalty where it is best placed:

For all that is in the world--the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions--is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.   (1Jn 2:16-17)

Like those folks we read of in Hebrews, I work on looking to a better country, His Kingdom.  I don’t always do it well but with His grace and mercies and my brothers and sisters I keep plugging away.

I know many of you struggle with this, too.  James tells us that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us.  The Spirit, Prayer, the Word, Worship and Fellowship are His provisions for us in this.  The more we take advantage of these opportunities the more we will long for our entrance into that Kingdom not made with hands – His Kingdom.

Peter's Pen 1

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."    (1Pe 1:13-16)

I hope to be beginning a series titled “Peter’s pen.”  My intent is to produce a kind of “walking devotional,” drawing from Peter’s pen things that bless me and I hope bless you.  To be honest, I am also doing this because it keeps me focused on Him and off all the hooplala of the election campaigns and cultural conflicts.  I find that I can am too easily distracted and diverted in my thoughts and prayers by things which are interesting and exciting and important – but not the point.

Peter writes:

“preparing your minds for action”

Interestingly, “for action” isn’t in the Greek.  It is implied however by the imperative to “prepare.”

“Prepare” means to “gird up.”  Girding up back them meant that you drew up the bottom of your robe or cloak and tucked it into your belt  so you were ready for – well – action.  We might say today, “roll up your sleeves.”  The very act of girding up implies there will be active work to do.

What we are to “gird up” or “prepare” is our minds.  Mind = the mind as a faculty of understanding, feeling, desiring. 

It doesn’t look like we’ll be digging ditches or climbing trees. 

It is our faculty of understanding, feeling and desire that is going to get the workout.  Now isn’t that something?

The Puritans taught that the mind (understanding) should inform the affections (feeling and desires).  They also taught that the mind was most secured and well-fed by the Word of God.  They taught that one could never get enough of the Word in one’s mind.  The more Word the more sturdy the wall, the more discerning the understanding and therefore the godlier the feelings and desires.

I can’t help but think of that last Passover, the events in the garden and Peter’s denials.  We tend to look back and see a wonderful fulfillment of God’s promises.  Yet for those present it was, in those moments, a horrible horrible night.  The trauma and terror had to have been beyond what we can conceive.

We’ve all had those times when we stand or sit absolutely gob-smacked by events.  We are more than stunned.  Our minds race and reel.  Our feelings are “all over the place.”  We are beyond confused, beyond understanding.  We are even beyond believing what’s happening.

Ever dreamed you were falling?  For me that seems an appropriate picture.  Sure we wake up but we wake up with a jerk and a sense of terror.  Nothing seems real yet everything seem too real.

Remember, the apostles had their own idea of what was to come.  They were confident and secure as we see in both their singing and sleeping.  “Blind-sided,” is a gross understatement.  Everything changed on that night and everything they hoped for seemed to just disappear.  It had to have been a sense of utter failure even betrayal.  It wasn’t, of course, but try to imagine how they felt in their limited understanding and incorrect expectations.

We however know the whole story.  We can see it clearly.  We know it was part of His plan for redeeming us.  Yet for them, then, it was devastating.

Here may be one of Peter’s reasons for admonishing us to prepare our minds.  We must know the whole truth of God’s Word and plan.  We must understand His way and the world’s way and the conflict between the two. 

I am put in mind of His statement:

If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.  (Joh 15:19)

Our minds must be girded, prepared to live in and with that truth.  How many times are we blindsided in our relationships and activities in the world?  Why are we shocked and numbed by the criticism, condemnation and persecution we encounter?  Why do we expect the world to play nice with us?

Jesus said:

"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. (Mat 10:16)

We need to wrap our minds around that.  It is His truth and our reality.  I think we need to accept His words and keep them in the forefront of our minds.  We need to appreciate this statement and its warning and fill our minds with the hope of His promises. 

Perhaps I’ve said it too much but my Lord did not die so I could be successful or popular or powerful in the world.  Rather He died to overcome the world for me and to prepare a place for me with Him.  The hope of “heaven here” sadly obscures the real hope we have of “heaven when.”

Walk w/ P & me 04

Walk with P & me 04

Richard Sibbes in his work, The Soul’s Conflict With Itself, does a wonderful job of not only pointing out the need for real and true conviction but he powerfully addresses the issue of false or overdone conviction.

For us (especially me) it’s a matter of fighting the “would have, could have, should have,” attackes.  Hindsight may be 20/20 but it can also be overwhelmingly toxic.  The flesh, the world and the devil can wreak havoc with our minds and hearts using these as its entree.

“Had I,” and “Had we just . . . .” are brutal and cruel messages that have just enough truth in them to lay a heavy and blinding burden on our hearts.  Whether sinful, silly or just stupid, all the things we might have done differently rise up and accuse – legitimately or not and they gain power from the uncertain parts of the future.

Imagined destitution, desolation and desertion loom large and all the shame and humiliation that come with them press down.

Sibbes also does a good job of helping us understand that our imaginations, which, when not operating within the truth and trust of God, are cruel companions.  When the time is right the imagination (through the flesh with help from the world and the devil) create “potential realities” that ,apart from his faithfulness ,seem certain. 

Even when we consider that the “worst” that could happen might well be with in His will for us, the flesh (w/ help) makes it seem punitive instead of providential.  Bad not good. 

We know He works all things together for the good of His own.  But the flesh (w/help) paints pictures of Job early on, David in the flight, Israel oppressed.

We look to Him for help.  From Him we desire relief.  But what if the hardship is the help we need?  What if He needs a new Job (kind of)?  What if the worst that could happen is in His will for us? 

We are confident in His grace and we are grateful for His providence.  We know we are His but (and it’s an evil but) the flesh (w/ help) clings to, “I love reading about Job but I don’t want to be one!!!”

However, and please don’t think we’re being snooty or presumptuous, Paul was willing to suffer the loss of all things for the sake of the gospel and he enjoins us to follow his example.  We want to – but if feels a lot like falling.  Add to that the fact that the flesh, the world and the devil make it look a lot like failing and it’s a double whammy.

But feelings aren’t facts and faith isn’t a feeling.

We had a good night together last night and we are doing, at least for right now, what we can do.  We are resisting where needed and drawing near as often as possible.  I still want to pack the car and run away.  Patti still wants me to quit wanting that ;-}. One cool personal thing.  I've never been one who liked to snuggle - however I've come to discover its therapeutic benefits ;-}  and Oh boy-is Patti happy!  ;-}}}}}}}  That's one blessing that's has come in the midst of all this!

Our prayer needs are simple:  A new job for Patti, more work for me, support for the ministry Us in Him and last but most important the grace to trust Him however His plans are laid.

Thank you !

Patti and Michael Sanders

2205 New Garden Rd.

# 2807

Greensboro, NC 27410

ms@tc2v1.com

Anxiety 2.0

Php 4:6  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  NASB

Anxious:  μεριμνάω  merimnaō

1) to be anxious

1a) to be troubled with cares

2) to care for, look out for (a thing)

2a) to seek to promote one’s interests

2b) caring or providing for

There is a related word that we ought to attend to as well:  μερίζω  merizō.  This work means to divide, to split into factions; to be disunited.  The reason I include merizō is that it gives a clearer sense of what we’re being told in this verse.  This word carried the idea of being distracted – diverted from the course set.

It is normal to be “anxious” – is it not?  Are we not told that we will be hated and have tribulation?  Are we not told we are engaged in a war?  Are we not warned of Satan’s desire to entrap and impale us?  How then could we never be anxious?

If you want to get hard core we are told here to “Be anxious,” but to be anxious for nothing 

But – that aside, we need to understand that the point here is to enjoin us to not be “disunited,” or as my grandfather would say, “discombobulated” for nothing.  We are not to let anything distract us from, well, the faith.

OK – for the rookies.  I want you to remember that the Christ did not die to make life here a party – or even nice.  He died so that we might be redeemed into God’s family and have the assurance of eternal life with Him.  That’s what we cannot afford to be distracted from. 

We should also remember that God’s desire for us here is to grow in righteousness.  He does not want us to be distracted from that either.  The anxiety He presents here in Phil. Is an anxiety that distracts us from those truths and make other things of equal or greater importance and concern.

I know a man who is struggling with anxiety over his circumstances.  Work, money, the future all seem to loom over him pressing him down.  The constant battle he faces is in trying to work it out, figure it out, fix it, etc. apart from his dependence upon God.  The shame and humiliation that would attend the worst case scenario plaques most of his waking moments, even his dreams.  A sense of a wasted life, uselessness and failure rise up in his throat like bile.

He’s afraid to do anything because the thought keeps running in his head that if he does the wrong thing, God will smack him.  All of his past errors and sin raise their ugly heads to accuse and offer proof of his unfitness for God’s blessing.  In his anxiety, he is frozen. 

He wants to pray but feels that would be disingenuous.  He has thoughts of ramping up his practices, good works, prayer, stewardship – but he knows that comes from the wrong direction.  The subtle thought that if he just does X God will rescue him freezes his mind and heart.

This is the anxiety of which Paul writes.  I had one person describe it as feeling like what it must be like to be water-boarded.  It’s a paralyzing, smothering sense of distress. 

Knowing his redemption is sure; Knowing that he is a child of God; Knowing that God works all thing for the good of those who love him, he still struggles desperately though quietly; all the while pushing forward to meet his obligations and commitments. 

He yearns to be with the Lord but even here it is dangerous.  To be with the Lord one must shuffle off this mortal coil.  Yet he knows that perhaps he wants more to be out of his circumstances than to be - well – dead.  So he even questions his desire for God and the eternal life Christ purchased for him.

He does not trust his own mind and struggles with God entrusting him because of his failures.  Oh, he knows these are all the strategies of the world, the flesh and the Devil but knowing the source doesn’t reduce the injury. 

He fights being “distracted,” or “diverted,” rom the course set before him.  He struggles with every fiber of his being to push through the darkness and dismay.  Like the prophet he would sit under a tree and invite God to take his life.  Like Job he would scorn the day of his birth.

There is no “cure” for his anxiety, only an alternative.

“but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”

Interestingly he does not struggle with being thankful.  He knows all he has to be thankful for.  It is the nature and content of his requests that concern him.  He wants to pray for what he needs but what he thinks he needs smacks too much of what he wants.  He wants to ask for the right thing but he does not trust his thoughts on what the right thing is.  What should he request?

Now, for you and me, what he should pray for may be clear and simple.  Homey but true, “It’s hard to remember the job was to drain the swamp when you’re up to your behind in alligators.”  We also have to remember that one man’s gecko is another man’s alligator.

Then we find:

Rom 8:26-27  In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;  (27)  and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

That, then, is his only active hope.  Unable to trust himself, his heart, his mind, he must trust the Spirit of God to untangle all the “stuff” and to present to God those groanings.  Yes, sometimes we need to “be still.”  Not just to hear from God but to speak to Him as well.

“Being still,” isn’t easy.  We need to pray to be still.  When our minds and hearts a racing, when we are hard pressed inside and out being still is as hard as turning the other cheek – perhaps harder.

The real distressing part of this is that we are not prone to carry these burdens to the Body.  There is too much of a stigma attached.  Not only that, but there is often nothing available except shallow platitudes or castigation.  So in these circumstances the individual is left to deal with it alone.  All too often – most often – this results in a catastrophe of faith.

Yes, I know that the Romans verse is followed by:

Rom 8:28  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

This is indeed a great and true assurance but like children who have suffered an injury the assurance that, “It will be OK,” doesn’t stop the pain or quell the fear.

Any thoughts?