Me 2 U - 081312b

Me 081312 b

Where will I be tomorrow and tomorrow . . . .

I can remember being asked, “Where do you want to be 5 years, 10 years from now.”  My answer was, “Right where God wants me.”  I was such a smart-aleck.  I didn’t know then what I know now – that wanting that would be a real rodeo.

I always thought I’d be pastoring a church, tending a flock.  But things didn’t turn out that way – not by a long shot. 

It’s easy to look back and see all the arrogant and wrong choices I made.  They tower over most everything else.  It’s also easy to allow them to make me question God’s sovereignty.  Along with that, it casts doubts on all the good things that took place because I was where I was.

Do you struggle with that too?  Do you find yourself overwhelmed by bad choices?  It’s tough not to let them shame you and tear you apart.  It’s that little voice whispering, “If only you had ……”  and then the accusation that somehow you thwarted God’s will for you.  Somehow you failed Him and now there’s nothing for you to do.

I struggle with what the world and the flesh would call a wasted life.  I didn’t play by their rules, I didn’t seek their goals and instead of that being an encouragement it becomes a condemnation.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that there was sinfulness in a lot of the choices – particularly pride.  But what I’m discovering is that I would not be here and equipped for today if I hadn’t been there.  I couldn’t do what I do today if I not had the schooling of yesterday.

I’m not justifying the foolish or prideful (and sinful) choices I made.  I guess I’m struggling to see that God carried me through them to where He wanted me.  No, I’m nowhere near a David, or a Jonah – maybe close in temperament to a Peter.  Maybe I had to go this way so I could learn what Peter learned – to focus on Him.  I’m trying – trustfully – I really am.

Sometimes I feel like that guy who jumps off the concert stage and nobody catches him.  Note I said I “feel” like that – stupid.  And ya know in a way I am.  Perhaps I put too much faith in others instead of putting my faith in Him to work through others.

When I work with a client who’s suffering a “poor little me” moment I encourage them to accept and honor what creates that feeling.  It didn't come from nowhere – there’s a reason for it – but I also try to help them recognize and appreciate that it’s over.  There may be scars and there may be limits that weren't there before but what created them was very real as are the reminders.

We all have to battle the “if only(s).”  And that is neither pleasant or easy.  We are distracted from “if only(s)” past, present and future.  But we are not back there and we are not up forward, we are here and most of the time we have what we need.

We are tempted to pray for “do-overs.”  You know, a chance to begin again and get it right.  I know I am.  But then I wonder if God isn’t asking me, “What did I do wrong?  I never left you.  I was always there.”  That’s a kick in the seat of the pants – and a good one. 

I think of Peter being told he’d deny the Lord.  I wonder what happened in Peter’s head when those words were spoken.  I think of his past conversation with the Lord when again his limitations were made plain.  And yet we see him in the book of Acts at the vanguard of the beginning of the church.  We see him in Acts 15 standing up for the grace of God.  And we see him later when Paul has to kick him in the pants.  Then we read Peter’s letters and we see a mature shepherd calling the sheep to faithfulness, admitting his limits and still trusting God.

Peter had no idea he’d be a long time under the tutelage of the Spirit – none of us know when we will be ripe on the vine either.  But we know that the Master vineyard keeper keeps watch over us – He protects us – even from ourselves.  He nourishes and prunes so we might be the fruit He needs for the vintage He desires.  That may come early – it may come late – but come it must.

We may not know what He has planned for us but we must know He has one.  The history of the body of Christ give evidence of that.  His Word makes that promise.  His Word provided evidence of that promised kept.

We will worry.  The flesh will do all it can to turn back from the way, from Him.  But as Paul proclaimed, I pray that pray you and I may proclaim by the powerof His Spirit:

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Php 3:14)

Between where He has us not and where He is bringing us there is much to learn and understand and do.  Every new day is a call from Him to you and I to be available to be His tools in His work.  I cling to something my Aunt wrote me;

“The inexhaustible supplies of God are available 

to the man/woman who is available 

to the inexhaustible supplies of God.”

You see we are to do His work not as paupers scrambling for resources.  Rather He must provide everything – EVERYTHING – we need to fulfill what He calls us to – that is simply the only way we can.  It’s His work, His way, by His power, grace and providence and praise Him, He elects to use us. 

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  (Php 4:19)

“Need” = χρεία; chreía; gen. chreías, fem. noun from chréos (n.f.), debt.  / Use, usage, employment, act of using. In the NT metonymically, that in which one is employed, an employment, affair, business (Act_6:3).  Need, necessity, want.