This and That Who spoke? 092412

A comment.  A simple statement.  I don’t think it was ill-meant.  I assume it was chiding or jokingly made.  And yet how deep and broad the wound.

But, the question I wrestle with is, “Who spoke?”  Was it a dart from Satan or a goad from God?  Was it indeed a message to wound or a message to convict?  Who spoke?  Why the wound?  Is it my frailty that was hit or my falseness, my fantasy?

Have you ever experienced this type of wound? 

Perhaps, when we are being refined by God, He allows such to happen to keep us humble.  Perhaps He allows one of Satan’s darts to get through so we might think on the issue raised.  Perhaps He wants us to understand the power even innocent words have and pray for the power to tame our own tongues.

Who spoke?

What purpose for the message?

The comment certainly “pushed my buttons,” but who was doing the pushing and for what end?

When we are low in our spirits Satan sees it and it is his nature to take advantage of it.  But God too will use our lowness to get His message through.  Who spoke?  How does one discern the answer?

Am I as false as I feel?  Am I the sham and deception I feel like?  Am I, contrary to assurances of those most closely affected, wasting my time and serving myself and not Him?

Just the other day I was reading in a Puritan work about how when we are low we can rejoice if we do what we have to do and do it faithfully.  I was encouraged in my trust of Him and that which He has given me time and ability to do.  Yet it only took a moment to turn that light into darkness.  It only took a simple comment to raise doubt and crate confusion.  It only took a comment to resurrect a sense of shame and hypocrisy.

I don’t know where this event will take me.  I have no idea what the conclusion of the matter will be in my life.  I only know that right now it is all I can feel and it has called much into question that I had believed I had worked through.

It has re-enforced the point that James makes about the tongue but I hesitate to take that high ground and stop at that.  Yes, there is a point there and a good one but, who spoke and what was the meaning of the message?

The sense of melancholy, which is my nature, is increased fourfold.  But this is my flesh – I think, I hope.

We live, hopefully, by certain well examined conclusions.  When they are challenged we should consult the Word, the Spirit and wise brothers and sisters.  When our conclusions have been repeatedly affirmed, when no alternative is clear, no other opportunity offered how we respond when the challenge is offered from an unexpected direction.

Indeed the sense of falseness and hypocrisy, the sense of being wrong and having been wrong for some time is crushing.

Yes, we must be oh so careful in what we say but what about our hearing?  How does one determine who is speaking? 

I don’t believe God allows such things to happen capriciously.  He does not taunt us.  So, when things like this happen, what is the point, the lesson the purpose?  Right now I don’t know or at least I don’t want to know and yet I am compelled to question and seek the answer.  Who spoke?  To what end?

Oh how I want to see this as a prodding of some thorn in my flesh – for it certainly touched what I believe God has given me to keep me humble.  How I want to know this is Him keeping me from rushing to some great endeavor He has not called me to.   But the fear is that I am being told that I have been wrong and wrong for a long time.

All I am able to do right now is to trust that he will show me who spoke.  All I am able to do right now is to turn inward, prayerfully, and wait His answer.

To answer, “Why art thou cast down,” all I have is, “I don’t really know – and I am afraid to know.”

Am I alone in this?  Do any of you have those times when someone speaks and you are confounded and confused?  Have you had someone speak and sweep you into despair?  

Have you had someone speak and turn what you thought were evidences into indictments?

All I can pray now is that He will guide me through this to the truth and while He does so He will sustain me to be about that which He has given me to do.  Because if I am and have been wrong – if it was indeed Him telling me to move on then what I am about will have to stop or at least be radically changed.  That’s OK if it is His will and I pray that I am not obstinately clinging to past conclusions – but I still ask, “Who spoke?”