Seasonal (???) Depression
We hear a lot about depression this time of year and in previous letters I’ve covered some of the reasons we suffer from it. But I wanted to talk a little more about it specifically.
It’s common (unfortunately) in our faith to hear leaders belittle or be critical of depression. It’s attacked as a lack of faith, weakness, a pity-party and any number of other disparaging terms and phrases. Now I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes it is but more often than not it isn’t.
Let me make it very clear that I’m not a Psychologist or a Psychiatrists but I have (as a Nouthetic (biblical) Counselor worked with many. I can only approach the subject based upon what my experience working with them and the Scriptures tells us. If you suspect that you are wrestling with depression, please – PLEASE seek help – it is not a spiritual or character flaw!!!!
When I talk about depression I don’t really mean being “bummed out,” or even “really bummed out.” I’m talking about a consistent sense of hopelessness, a consistent inability to experience joy and, as I’ve heard it described, “a living in a constant sense of “ness,” hopelessness, joylessness, energylessness, lightlessness, etc…… Ness!”
Depression can be situational, circumstantial, clinical etc. Sometimes we, “snap out of it.” Sometimes we don’t. There are two things you need to know about depression. First, there are very good, sound and legitimate reasons for it. Second, there are very clear and sound causes of it.
The reasons have a lot to do with our lives, what we’ve experienced and what we have not experienced. I have yet to meet someone who wrestles with depression who hadn’t “earned,” it. What I mean by that is that they had in their lives situation of either great stress or persistent stress.
Let me use something I learned from a friend know as “the Big Chicken.” (don’t ask…..) anyway he believed in the “Rule of 70.” What he meant by that is that we can all handle stuff if we only have to exert 70% of our physical and emotional energy. We can operate at 70% regularly without damaging ourselves.
We can also work at 100% but we can do that for long before it begins to take its toll. Working at 100% is for emergencies! I as former police officer I kid fire fighters about sitting around doing nothing. But I know that when they are called upon to serve they have to give 100% sometimes for an extended period of time. It’s that same with EMT’s and depending on the circumstances even cops. Combat demands 100%, that’s why extended exposure does damage.
The “Rule of 70” also makes it plain that no one can every give more than 100%. It is impossible.
Anyway, the Big Chicken always told his employees that when they began to see their workload exceed 70% of their ability they were to let him know. This wasn’t to identify folks who were “deficient” it was so he could be ready to get them some help if the demand for extra effort continued for an extended period of time or drastically increased. He had a strong sense of responsibility to get the best out of his folks by doing his best for his folks.
Now, the Rule of 70 works emotionally, physically and spiritually. Too great a demand in any of those areas either at once or over an extended period of time has a high price. Unfortunately, “needing help,” is not something we encourage in the Body of Christ. We, “don’t want to bother,” other people. Or even worse, we don’t want anyone to know what we’re dealing with. So we “stuff” our desperation, put on a brave face and slowly destroy ourselves so we will look OK.
Here’s another illustration. Your dealing with something that’s more than you can handle alone. But you stuff your cry for help – you hold it down. Or maybe it’s a cry of fear or pain or even anger – but you’ve got to keep it in. So let’s say (for illustration) it is 100 pounds of whatever trying to, needing to come out. But you must keep it in – right? So you have to exert 101 pounds (at least) to keep it in. So as you sit in your room, in the dark, very still, you’re burning up 201 pounds of energy just to keep it together. Now I was a power-lifter in high school and I could clean and jerk a lot of weight. Fortunately I only had to hold the weight over my head for a matter of seconds.
Taking that power-lifting picture. You’re bench pressing. You’re going for your personal best. You grab the weight, you lower it to your chest and then you push like you’ve never pushed before. Slowly the weight rises. You focus everything you have and it rises a little more. Finally your arms are fully extended, you’ve done it. You’ve bested your best.
But there’s a problem. The bar is just a little shy of the weight rests. Maybe only an inch, but you can’t get it higher. Now here’s the problem. You don’t have a “spotter,” someone to help you IF and WHEN you need it. Maybe you’re alone (not smart), or maybe you’re too proud to ask for help (even less smart). So there you are with a several hundred pounds suspended over hour head and neck by to two arms that are beginning to shake. While you’re worrying about what to do (lowering the bar will just trap you under it – even if you could lower it without crushing your head neck or ribs), something snaps or tears. You feel it and you hear it. When you come to your power-lifting days are over.
Now you live with a limitation. Yes, it’s a constant reminder of your own not so smartness. It’s a limitation – but only a limitation. Depression is the same. We’ve strain, broken, torn or depleted something and so now we are limited. We’re not defective, possessed, weak, ect. – we’re just limited – actually we are damaged – as in injured. My shoulder and back will never be 100% - I’m damaged – but I’m not defective – just limited. Life is different for me. I see and do things different. When I plan something I have to consider my limitations – I do that for my back and shoulder – I do that for my depression.
I respect my depression. I earned it. In some ways it’s a scar from my battle to live. But parts of that scar are reminders of my “even less than not smart,” moments. But my depression has its reasons. I won’t give you a catalogue of them all but there are reasonable reasons.
Oh, also, I did not get my depression on my own. I had help! No, I’m not blaming it on anyone else – they were merely contributors but they did help (they put more weight on the bar – but I tried to lift it).
So I respect my depression. It’s part of me and it is part of every choice and decision I make. Like my back and shoulder – it’s part of my life and ya know, that’s OK, I’m still here so God still wants me here.
Now about causes. I’m not a Psychiatrist but one of my dearest brothers in Christ is. From him I learned that it appears more and more clear that part of depression is attributable to certain chemical imbalances in one’s neurochemistry. Makes sense to me. Have you ever had to deal with a real emergency and afterward found yourself physically and emotionally exhausted? Well, that’s kind of what we’re talking about.
Lets say there’s a neurochemical called Fred. Fed’s function is to help us deal with stress. When we’re under stress some part of our brain (call it Alice) gets a stress signal and releases Fred – we are better able to handle the stress. The stress passes and Alice stops releasing Fred. Things go back to normal.
But what if the stress doesn’t end? Or what it the stress is of nuclear proportions? Alice opens all the stops and Fred keeps flowing. Well, it appears that Alice can get worn out and you end up without even a normal amount of Fred. We all need a little Fred all the time – but now – no or not enough Fred. That’s one of the dynamics (causes) od depression. Interestingly it’s a similar phenomenon to what we see with cocaine users. It’s kind of like cocaine make Fred get released in vast amounts until Alice is worn out and there’s not even the normal amount of Fred available. That’s a cause of depression.
So let me say this. Just like the weakness and limitation of my back and shoulder in normal when you look at my past; depression may be perfectly normal for us as well. It certainly isn’t abnormal for someone whose past has been tough. It’s not abnormal for the combat soldiers, fireman, cop, EMT, rape survivor, abuse survivor, caregiver, etc. It is NOT abnormal. From my perspective it’s, well, normal, completely normal.
Now there’s a lot of hooey being spewed in the Body of Christ about medications for depression. Look, to say it’s wrong to take medication for a chemical imbalance in the brain makes about as much sense as saying diabetics shouldn’t take medication for their chemical imbalance. What kills me is that it is perfectly OK to take medication for high blood pressure brought on by over eating and indolence but not for depression which (remember) you had help with. ---Yes, I know that not all high blood pressure is brought on by gluttony – but I’m speaking to those in whom it is.
My friend the Psychiatrist taught me that the best medications are those that lift the depression enough for the patient to begin to address the “reasons.” He’s a great “patient directed” healer. Not all medications for depression work well for all people so he works closely with his patients to find the best medication. He also expects them to begin to deal with the reasons.
Think of it this way. I have a splinter in my foot and it get infected. OK, I need antibiotics. So I take them – but I don’t take out the splinter. Hmmmmm a lot less that smart – right? The point is that medications don’t cure depression. But – they do relieve the symptoms to a point where we can address what’s behind the depression. You don’t take meds to make it go away – it won’t. but you do take meds so you can get to the place where you might be able to make the reasons go away.
I struggle as to whether or not to address the so called biblical reasons to not make use of medical resources to deal with depression. I struggle because, well, most of the individuals I personally heard speak or rant against it were, well, morons. Well intended but grossly ill-informed morons.
I will say this. If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, you shall be saved. OK…ok so it’s not very original (haha) but it is utterly true! Your depression tells me more about your life (past) that your faith! If we are dearly beloved and depressed children of God what’s the problem?
Your depression and your faith have to learn to live together. Sometimes I don’t “feel” like I’m His but I “know” I am. Sometimes there are those mornings when one feels there’s no reason to get out of bed and go on – but if God got you to a new day He has something for you to do. I believe that completely and ya know, I can’t give you any proof. He’ll give that to me later. But if He has indeed numbered my days then everyday He gives me cannot be without purpose whether I see or not, whether I feel it or not. He may have “given” me 2010 because He has something for me to do in 2011. He gave me Tues. so I could encourage someone on Wed.. Yeah – sounds simple – childish even – but is that a bad thing.
I may not “feeeeeeel” the love of God ( I’ve never understood what that was anyway) but I KNOW that he loves me. So sometimes I just run with what I know - . I once was asked how I was feeling. My reply was that I felt as though life was not worth living. Of course the individual I said that to was a Psychiatric Nurse with whom I was working -- she freaked. Once she go over her concern I told her that even though I didn’t feel the worth of living I KNEW there was value to every moment I was alive. Just because I didn’t see it doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. So chose to fight the fight of living by what I know – what God has said – rather than by how I feel.
Oh-----wait------- Mmmmmmm Does this mean that those of His children who live with depression are actually living by their determination to believe God is true and faithful even if they have no sense of it? Wow – that’s kind of cool! That would mean we’re not just not walking by sight – we’re walking without feeling – we’re just walking by faith! As my ”ittle one,” says, “Kool beans!”
Ok – enough – I’m tempted to write more but that’s because I can’t see your faces or hug you or pray with you.
This time of year is tough for those who live with depression. But an upside is that not only can we NOT fake it, we seem to be able to detect those who are. It seems that depression also helps us keep from getting caught up in the shallowness of the season. It seems depression focuses our hearts on those for who it isn’t a merry anything.
One last word of counsel. If you feel odd because you’re not in the “spirit of the season,” that is perfectly OK – YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE – and I say that because I’m not real sure where that ‘spirit” comes from. Biblically and historically this “season” has no meaning. It is only culturally that it has any meaning at all. The only Spirit we want of be in (or have be in us) is the Holy Spirit and God has made it very clear – that is a done deal!!!
All my love and prayers for all of US!
Write if you need to !!!!!!!
Happy Humbug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael
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