Why wait till I'm dead?

Some of the letters of John Newton were published after he went "home."  These have always been a true blessing to me and I have often wondered how many more would have been blessed had they been published in his life-time.  But - He is sovereign.


I believe that if we are without practical applications for the beliefs we hold then holding those beliefs is, well, frustrating and just bad.  But we have long surrendered the true meaning of disciple and have found quick fix programs and seminars more to our liking.  This is a fact I mourn and well, despise.  So we're gonna do some disciple training here - intermittently, intimately and dynamically. 


The following set the circumstances and presents some of the problems.  Join in - jump in.  The catalyst for doing this has been prayer, conviction and Richard Sibbes' book, The Soul's Conflict With Itself.  Walk with us but remember, ministry is messy.  If this is not your cup of tea just pass them by.

Come, walk with us ----

In most of the passages in scripture that deal with perseverance it is in relation to persecution and/or temptation.  At this point in our sojourn Patti and I are facing trials which have little to do with persecution or temptations are none the less frightening and pressing.  So I’ve chosen to do a little finger thinking and share with you what I am learning – or need to learn.  I can’t get more practical in my writing than that.

Of course, like it is for so many of you times are tough.  A recent serious decease in out income has put us in a tenuous (to say the least) positron.  As a tent-maker I have rarely sough the support of others although there have been and are some kind souls who have shared with us to help in meeting our needs.

Right now the temptation is to either fight or flee.   To either take the bull by the horns or just run away.  The desire to “fix” it is one of the biggest problems.  The flesh in it’ incessant bid for control conjures up all kind of schemes and ideas and vaporous imaginings.  It also encourages one to rail at God and others about how we’ve served and not we suffer (OK – it feels like suffering but that is relative).

The temptation to cry out “Where are you?” both to God an others is very strong but from the bitterness and arrogance I can detect underneath that impulse it is very clear it is from the flesh.  He and others have been there.  He and some are still there.  But when one has a sense of drowning, rational reflection is very very difficult.

Another temptation is to be over burdened with blame.  To play the, “I should have…” game on myself.  The thoughts that had I only stayed in law enforcement or if I had only gone on in  my education to be a psychologist/counselor haunts me.  I look back at the decision to take up the ministry I believed I was called to and have feelings of shame and guilt.  Being the head of my household just makes it worse.

Then there is the lovely thought (sarcasm) that Patti would be better off without me and that if she’d just move and live with some of her family her life would be better.  She certainly deserves better.  She has sacrificed and is firm in her conviction that we (that is I) have done the right thing and that I should continue.  But the little voices tell me she loves me and want to encourage men and that though this is sweet it’s just her being nice.

Of course then we have to figure in the embarrassment of what may come as well as the losses.  The potential losses aren’t so bad for us – we’ve got too much “stuff” and if we could have a monster yard sale I don’t think we’d miss much of what went.   As long as I don’t even consider selling Patti’s mom’s Chinese vases I’m safe ;-}.

Pride – pride has never been such a monster for me.  Harboring that silly thought that somehow I am in charge and this shouldn’t be happening and all that “stuff” steals precious moments from each day keeping me from prayer and study and writing. 

Then there’s that slithery thought that I have been wrong – very wrong in thinking that such a weird and chaotic ministry could ever have come from Him.  I await that invisible committee that comes with a chorus of either, “We could have told you..” or “We never thought it was a real “ministry” anyway – we just considered it your delusion – your error.”  And of course there’s that other comment/thought, “You should have gotten a REAL job.”

Yes, the flesh is alive and well in me.  Of course I knew that – I know that.  The hard part is to discern where the flesh is using truth to drive me more towards myself and from God. 

It’s kind of funny that I should have been reading Richard’s Sibbes’ work, The Soul’s Conflict With itself; And Victory Over Itself By Faith.  That’s the book I’ve made so many FB posts from.

I told Patti that had it not been for reading that book and the scriptures referenced I would have yielded to the flesh instead of resisting it.  I’ll share with you (more briefly than here) as we move through this time.  I hope to be candid and honest for your benefit and to help me see what’s going on in my heart and mind as well.

Sibbes wrote:  “Ignorance, being darkness, is full of false fears. In the night time men think every bush a thief.”  Sibbes, Richard (2012-04-24). The Soul's Conflict With Itself: And Victory Over Itself By Faith. (pp. 47-48). A Puritan At Heart Press. Kindle Edition.

So, with your indulgence, I’ll share with you as I work on dispelling the ignorance/darkness that my flesh seeks to impose and grow.

Your prayers are of course greatly desired.  Though your counsel, encouragement and consolation would be a great blessing please remember that in the dark, all cats are grey.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

(Col 3:12)

Sometimes - that's all there is-------

Listening to Rich Mullins "My Deliverer Is Coming."

Right now

Today

That's all there is

That's all that's keeping it in the road

But

Really

That's all the ever kept it in the road

That all that will ever keep it in the road

I'm OK with that

How about you?

Last words - almost Part 2

Last Words – almost  Part 2  Why we should . . . .

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder, since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me.   (2Pe 1:5-14)  ESV

Ever have doubts?  Ever struggle with the security of your calling in Christ?  I do.

When the flesh bombards me with urges or the world seeks to seduce me and seems so powerful or when those “spiritual forces of darkness,” seem so overwhelming and I struggle, I have doubts.

When I look at the sinfulness of my sin.  When I am confronted by the fact that, “every intention of the thoughts of his (my)heart was only evil continually,”  (Gen 6:5) I doubt.

I wonder why He called me.  I wonder why He keeps me.  I wonder if I am, “good enough,” and finding that I am not, I doubt.

But there is a sure resolution to this, a heaven sent way to confront those times of doubt and press on.  A verse 10 and 11 of our passage provide that resolution.  The answer is:

PRACTICE

Ποιέω  poiéō; [to create, make, do, act],

(I)          To make, form, produce, bring about,  cause, spoken of any external act as manifested in the production of something tangible, corporeal, obvious to the senses, completed action.

(II)        Figuratively spoken of a state or condition, or of things intangible and incorporeal, and generally of such things as are produced by an inward act of the mind or will; to make, cause, bring about, occasion

What is this we are to do?  Verse five makes it clear, “make every effort to supplement your faith with . . . .”  We’ll deal with later (hopefully you’ve noticed we’re moving backwards through the passage).  But we are to practice the supplementing or adding of these qualities to or with our faith.

It has been said that we are saved by faith alone but that the faith that saves is not alone.  Unfortunately many have taken this as an opportunity to add qualifications and conditions to salvation.  But Peter presupposes his audience, you and me, have faith and are saved.  So, what’s this “adding” all about?  What does, ‘the faith that saves is not alone,” mean?

It really isn’t all that complicated or difficult.  I have faith that there is a thing called gravity – therefore I do not jump off of tall buildings.  I believe that there is a thing called friction and so when I want to stop my car I apply the brakes.

I believe that Jesus is the Messiah, rightfully my Lord and that He gave His life for my sins that I might have eternal life – THEREFORE I - - - - - - -

But, I don’t THEREFORE perfectly and I have accepted that for He has covered those failings as well.  Practice doesn’t make perfect but it does bring progress and that’s just the point.  As we make progress in our walk the Him, as we grow in the consistency and effectiveness of our obedience we will become more and more secure n our relationship to Him. 

Now – our relationship to Him – depends upon Him and Him alone – but our sense of it, our experience of it is, unfortunately, is powerfully affected by our attention to and in it.  I don’t have to prove my faith to Him or anyone else - I’m the one demanding proof and the proof is in the practice not the product.  The product is always and ever dependent upon Him>PERIOD!

But our sense of that wonderful intimate relationship, our grasp on belonging to Him – that comes as we practice and watch Him produce. 

Read an almost word for word translation of verse 10:

“be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you”

This is YOU making certain – you making you certain and NOT you making His calling and choosing certain. 

Through “practicing” what Peter has laid out for us we will grow more and more confident in our calling and choosing – and more confident of it.

Now I want to give a warning here about fruit.  Some of us are to grow figs some of us grow mushrooms.  Some fruit is evident to all and some fruit, not so much.  Sometimes we don’t even see the fruit of our practice for years – and years.  Some we won’t see until He reveals it.  But we have faith He can, will and does make good use of every effort undertaken for His glory.

Zodhiates’ The Complete Word Study New Testament he writes, “Poiéō (practice) may well refer to the doing once and for all, the producing and bringing forth something which, when produced, has an independent existence of its own.

There is an old Jewish tale of a Rabbi who was maligned by a man in his town.  The man later repented and went to the Rabbi so seek forgiveness and make amends:

The Rabbi told the man, "Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds." The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a  simple enough task, and he did it gladly. When he returned to tell the Rabbi that he had done it, the Rabbi said, "Now, go and gather the feathers. Because you can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers."

Huh?  Well, like those feathers, our practice is scattered to the winds.  Just as the evil words the man had spoken were gone, not to be seen, our practice, what it produces can be and often is just as elusive.  We may not see what our practice produces in the world but He does.

Our practice does however demonstrate to us and for us our faith.  Both the blessings and the tribulations that come with living for Him demonstrate the truth of His promises and His predictions.  Whether we receive thanks or curses for our practice, whether we do or don’t see the results of our practice, practice produces.

We are secure in Him- we will never be secure in us.  Until we are with Him, concerns and doubts will pop into our heads and hearts – that’s just the way we are.  But He never has any doubts!

Why PRACTICE -  Vs. 10,  “if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”

Fall?   = ptaíō;  as 'to stumble against,' 'to collide with,' or, in the more usual intransitive, 'to stumble,' 'to fall,' 'to suffer a reverse,' and figuratively  'to err,' 'to sin.'

Betwixt and Between But Blessed

Betwixt and Between But Blessed

Please accept my apology for the length of this blog.  I try hard to limit them to 2 pages but this one just wouldn't allow it.  Thanks

In commenting on the 12 who spied out the land during the Exodus A.W. Tozer paraphrases their comments as follows:

"We're free of Egypt, thank God, and are not slaves anymore. We are in the wilderness, and while it isn't the best, we will settle for it rather than go up against those giants in that wonderful promised homeland."  A.W. Tozer. The Crucified Life: How To Live Out A Deeper Christian Experience (Kindle Locations 582-583). Kindle Edition.

Tozer is making a comparison between Israel and Believers.  I couldn’t help but feel smacked when I read this. 

Now we aren’t with the Lord yet.  His Kingdom isn’t established here physically but it is here within each of us. 

Huh?  OK – the concept of a Kingdom presupposes the concept of a King.  If we are subjects of the King we are citizens of His Kingdom – right?  So if the King of Kings is “in” us, if we are united with Him, then His Kingship/Kingdom exists.

We have been brought, “out of Egypt.”  We have been freed from “slavery to sin.”

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. (Col 1:13-14) ESV

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe,    (Heb 12:28)

We are “in the wilderness.”  A place where we are utterly dependent upon God.  Crossing into the Promised land, the Kingdom will not make us any less dependent upon Him.  In the wilderness.  We are told:

Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says, "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of testing in the wilderness, where your fathers put me to the test and saw my works for forty years.   (Heb 3:7-9) ESV

Now before you go all weird on me let me include:

So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief.   (Heb 3:19) ESV

None of the “unbelieving” could enter God’s rest – His Sabbath – the Promised Land.  But how do we understand their disbelief?

As it is said, "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." For who were those who heard and yet rebelled? Was it not all those who left Egypt led by Moses? And with whom was he provoked for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the wilderness? And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient?   (Heb 3:15-18)  ESV

Those who did not believe were those who were rebellious, sinful and disobedient.  That is unbelief.  Belief is – well – submission.  Accepting what God says as truth and moving forward based upon that truth. 

Israel, despite all God had done, did not believe He was truthful.  They did not trust His promise. 

We have to remember that though we are saved by grace alone through faith alone those two mighty things have to have an effect.  That effect is obedience.  If there is no effect, was there ever a cause? 

That’s a tough question to have to face.  But it weakness when we realize that in His truth God has told us the truth about us as well.  No one has ever or will ever put it better than Paul did in Romans.

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.  (Rom 7:14-25)  ESV

If there is a passage in all of scripture that we need desperately to commit to memory and pray about it is this one.  We have been freed from Egypt but we still have all those Egyptian habits and proclivities.  We must identify them and understand them and resist/oppose them. 

Paul says it is, “another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin.”  Note that well brothers and sisters, “another law.”  This “other law” wages war making Paul a captive to, “the law of sin.”

This “other law” works in Paul’s (and our) “members,” that is, the seat of the desires and passions.

What should we call this, “law?”   I call it the Law of I-dolarty.  The Law of ME. 

Now believer, take it easy.  You were born, raised and grew up surrounded by this “law.”  It is natural for it to have a powerful impact and a residual influence in your life.  It’s what you are used to.  What you have been comfortable with.  What you have been encouraged to.   You have learned to play the game according to those rules and to protect and enhance yourself by them.

How powerful is this Egyptian thinking?  Well it took 40 years and the passing of a generation for it to somewhat weeded out of Israel (at least enough for them to cross the river).  But those 40 years were not idle years.  They were 40 years of utter and complete dependence upon God for everything.  Even then, a seed of Egyptian thinking remained.

Why would you and I suppose god would do in an instant what He took 40 years to do with Israel?  Even more, we are far from being as dependent upon God as Israel was in the wilderness (or at least we think we are).  We do not have the benefit of their isolation and clear daily demonstration of His providence.  Or at least we don’t see/acknowledge His hand in everything as they would have.

Even once across the river there is a sense of, “Thank you God for getting us out or Egypt and bringing us here.  We’ll see you around and if we need you we’ll call.  We can take it from here on.”

Yeah, right --------

But that’s where we tend to go. 

Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?   (Gal 3:3)  ESV

The word here, “foolish,” is the Greek word ἀνόητος  anóētos which is basically, “Are you out of your mind?” 

Paul has a point.  There’s certain insanity about acknowledging our redemption as solely God’s provision and then thinking our sanctification isn’t.  There’s a certain insanity in thinking god needs our help to accomplish His goal in, for and through us.

Not only is there a certain insanity in thinking this way – but thinking this way can make us nutz.

I’m not going to get into which side of the river we’re on.  But we need to address the attitude of:

"We're free of Egypt, thank God, and are not slaves anymore. We are in the wilderness, and while it isn't the best, we will settle for it rather than go up against those giants in that wonderful promised homeland."  A.W. Tozer. The Crucified Life: How To Live Out A Deeper Christian Experience (Kindle Locations 582-583). Kindle Edition.

Let me just say that we’re in the wilderness and we’re not.  We’re across the river but not yet.

The issue isn’t whether we’re one place of another.  The issue is trusting God.  Being willing to live constantly reminding ourselves that He is true and His promises are sure and that even the smallest particle in creation is subject to His sovereignty. 

Few (if any) of us “trust” God 100%, 100% of the time.  We are indeed weak and needy creatures.  We struggle.  We worry.  We fear.  We fall.  But all of that is part and parcel of why we needed to be redeemed – utterly redeemed.  That is why we have to have a High Priest who has the right and authority to effectively intercede for us. 

We are learning to trust Him in this wilderness (Oops, did I just pick a side of the river?). 

Unlike Israel of the east side of the Jordan we are (in a very weird way) on both sides.  The Kingdom is but not yet.  The Kingdom we experience is in the midst of the wilderness (changed sides again??).  We might say that His Kingship is established and His Kingdom is coming. 

That’s tough.  But how else can we see it?  The east side of the river is not the west side.  In either place we will always be utterly dependent of God.  The difference, I think, is in what we are dependent upon Him for and what wages war against our trusting Him utterly (much less submitting utterly).

Just as He was with Israel in the wilderness so too His Word and His Spirit are with us here, now.  We need Him no less.  We may be tempted into thinking we do – but we don’t.  Perhaps our need, except in crisis, does not feel as immediate – as pressing.  But it has not lessened on bit.

This verse struck me as I was writing:

By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. (Heb 11:9)  ESV

That’s us – we are living in the “land” of promise as though we were in a foreign land.

Take note too of;

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. (Heb 11:13-16)  ESV

Does this not apply to you and I?  Does it not give hope and peace?  We, if He does not return before, will also “die in faith.”  So let us acknowledge that we are, “seeking a homeland,” and take confidence that He, “has prepared for them (us) a city.”

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.   (Rev 21:1-6)  ESV

We do not want the Jerusalem – or even the Promised Land of Abraham, David, Solomon or Paul.  We look for a New Jerusalem.

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened--not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.   (2Co 5:1-9)  ESV

Trusting God is something we do very inconsistently.  The good news is that there is nothing inconsistent in His trustworthiness.  He knows our struggles, our weakness, our failings and he has provided well for them all.  Sure, we hesitate to, “cross the river,” but He knew we would.  Actually, He knew He would have to get across Himself.

Are you weak of faith?  That’s normal.  Do you struggle with sin?  That’s normal.  Do you grieve and weep, yearning to be with Him?  For a believer, that’s normal too. 

What part of:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  (2Co 12:9)  ESV

do you not want to have apply to you?  Paul, by stating, “weaknesses,” makes plain the fact that it was not just that thorn he boasted in.  What He boasted in was the fact that he was utterly dependent upon God – and he knew that God was utterly dependable.

God has no unreasonable expectations of you and I.  There is nothing He expects from us that He does not provide the means, opportunity and energy to accomplish.