This and That Discontent’s Downfall 091712

No: a mourner in Zion you may and ought to be, but a self-tormentor you must not be; complain to God you may, but complain of God (though but by the language of your actions) you must not.  Flavel, John (2010-08-03). Keeping the Heart (Kindle Locations 465-466).  . Kindle Edition.

“If God is sovereign, why did He let this happen?”  The answer is, “Yes, God is sovereign.”

I once thought I was the sun and all the planets – everything revolved around me.  I believed that I should have what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it.  I really believed I knew what was best for me.

Then the Spirit healed my blindness and I saw the depth of my sin and the greatness of my need.  I also saw the glory of the grace which God was pouring out to me in His Son.

And then, in Christ:

I thought, “in Christ,” I was the sun and all the planets – everything revolved around me.  I believed that I should have what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it.  I really believed I knew what was best for me.

It is a long journey from “Jesus saved ME,” to “God is sovereign. “ It is a long journey from “I am His,” to “He is sovereign.”  It is a long journey from, “My way,” to “His will.”  It is a long journey from “Yeah me,” to “such worm as I.”

Along the way there was a period of self-judgment and self-condemnation, a period of puffed-upends, a period of apathy, a period of great but meaningless activity, and of course trials and tests and tribulations.

I was grateful to be saved but not grateful enough to submit.  I wanted to be a better “me,” and did not even consider being a better, “His.” 

As you may well imagine, when “my” fancies and imaginations where not met I doubted Him.  When tough times came I blamed Him.  When I was thwarted he was the enemy.

Then it became a matter of thinking that I was not doing enough.  Though my salvation was free everything else came with a price.  He was making it too hard, He was demanding too much.  He was unfair.

If there is a “hell on earth,” both of the above conditions were it.

So I know what it are to be a “self-tormenter,” and a “complainer of God.”  Trust me – you don’t want to go either place and if you find you are there, you need to leave.

So what changed?  I don’t know if I can pin-point it exactly.  Perhaps it was a series of things but two verses are now important to me.

1Pe 2:12  Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.

And

1Pe 4:16  Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.

Also the Reformation motto, “Soli Deo Gloria,” “To God only be glory,” have helped me reorient my mind and heart.

Oh, I still struggle with complaining and self-condemnation but I take it to Him and confess it and ask for His power to relieve and reject it.

I also changed a lot of what I let into my mind and heart.  I used to read a lot of fiction which only served to incite my “me-ness.”  I used to watch a lot of action movies but they just made me want to be my own hero.  I used to listen to a lot of conservative radio but that just took my focus off of Him.  I used to have a lot of, “I wish I was……….,” but that just made me discontented.

Now I read a lot of the classic works by the Puritan, now I study the Word and sometimes I just wander through it for fun.  I don’t watch many movies and TV is not much of a draw for me. 

In moving into and through these changes I’ve found a new dis-content.  I am dis-content with the world and the flesh and the devil.  Many of their offerings that I once thought insignificant are now absolute dangers.  Many of their offerings now leave me flat.  I find it hard to get “fired-up,” about many of the things about which I used to get, “fired up.”

Instead of becoming self-tormenting I am self-examining.  Instead of being a complainer of God, I am a complainer to God. 

Yes, it is a struggle.  The “old man” still wants his say and his way.  But the questions, “Does this glorify God?” and “Would this lead a “gentile” (unbeliever) to glorify God on the day?” play a greater role in my thinking, feeling and choosing.

Also, knowing that I am for God alone but not alone for God is a great blessing.  I have brothers and sister throughout the world who have greater cause to struggle even complain and question than I ever will.  Focusing my heart, mind and prayers on them does much to get my mind and heart and prayers off of me.

As Patti and I pass through our current speed-bump we are learning more about Him, more about His providence and most of all more about ourselves.  We are learning how to not torment ourselves for our sins but to rely upon His grace to forgive and His power to overcome.  We are learning to complain to God is  a humble and submissive way seeking first an appreciation for all He has done and then patience to wait upon what he is doing.