Today is the lord’s Day and it appears He was working in
hyper-drive. Patti and I woke up kind of
numb and sluggish and our concerns seemed so very distracting.
But, knowing there was no better place to be we got it
together and went to join our brothers and sisters for worship. Things got funky from there on.
A dear brother stopped by us and asked how we were bearing
up. I responded with my typical, “We’re
hanging in there.” For some reason he
persisted in patting us and asking about us and to tell the truth, for a
moment, I was a little irritated.
But, I realized that while I was trying real hard to
distract myself from our needs and worries, God was trying to comfort and encourage
us through this brother. That was a
smack in the back of the head! Here I am
feeling sorry for myself and here’s God providing comfort and care through
another and I’m being a fussy camper.
Thankfully I wasn’t so full of me that God couldn’t get
through. Or rather God was a lot bigger
than the “me” I was full of and there was no way I was gonna get away with my
little “pity party.” Whichever it was He
lifted my heart and my spirit all the while convicting me of my whining (and Oh
was I whining).
Then a brother I really love came by and showed me his new
I-pod. He was so excited as it is a
great tool for him in his work and ministry.
He was absolutely joyous. Well, my
first thought was about Patti’s computer which is ancient and holds a charge
for about an hour and is still XP. Then I thought about how ai had planned to get her
a new one and to look into a new tablet for me.
Needless to say my “joy” in my brother’s I-pod was at least a little
less that sincere.
Bam – again I found my heart all stuck with “me.” Conviction?
Oh yeah!
Then we gather around the Lord’s Table – ouch – just what I
needed, a reminder of my unworthiness. But
as we took the elements my mind and heart were turned to Him and His worthiness
and my being His and what it cost Him. I’m
not saying that I experienced what we think of as a miracle but I did
experience something comforting and correcting.
OK, then comes the message.
Let me give you a little background.
The other day I was listening to Alistair Begg and happened
to click on a message concerning evangelism.
Now I’ve never thought of myself as being an “evangelist.” My gift is teaching so I left evangelism to
the evangelist. But this program – an evangelistic
study of the Gospel of Mark caught my interest.
I began to form my prayers around its potential in Us In Him.
The message today – basically evangelism – the Gospel. Ouch!!!
Not wholly convicted but close.
Now I’m (actually we are) praying about
this course as part of Us In Him.
We don’t know – we kind of think maybe – but we are being taught to wait
upon Him. And since He’ll have to provide
the means for us to use the courses – we have some idea what we’re waiting for.
I write this because we rarely share this kind of
experiences with one another. Is it a
big deal? Well, it was for me.
In one morning I went from numb and nasty to grateful and
hopeful and He used both my sinfulness and His grace in others to change my
mind and heart.
I had this thought about the Marianas Trench out in the Pacific
Ocean. It is so deep that light never
penetrates. I am considering its relation
to my heart. I am discovering that there
are depths to my heart I have never plumbed.
Nor have I asked God to do so – not really. Oh, I’ve asked Him to heal my booboos and
remove the most obvious and common corruptions but I’ve asked for what I find
comfortable and not what needs to be done.
I found this and am thankfully hopeful:
Psa 36:1 Transgression speaks to the wicked deep in
his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes. ff
Why? As a former
unredeemed “wicked,” person this was me.
I have been content to let God do a “detail” job on me (like you do a
car) but I can’t remember asking Him to plumb those depths of my heart that
rival the Marianas Trench. It’s an
awesome thing when you find those deep dark places. You find them by what comes to your mind or
jumps out of your mouth.
Today a couple of those weird darkness/bottom feeders rose
close enough to the surface to be seen, recognized and taken to the only one
who can deal with it. I’m thankful for
that and am looking to build a rememberance of it – maybe a pile of mental
stones. God has done good work for me, but today I learned He has just begun.
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